Ready, set, go...

Pausing to look back, but not for too long, because I need to keep looking forward

2009-12-31T10:38:00.000-08:00

So, I have been totally off the radar and I apologize for that, especially to those who were faithfully following my blog and offering up so much support, encouragement and prayers.

My journey towards health has continued, despite some slight detours and derailments.

I felt, as 2009 comes to a close, that I owed it to myself, those who have followed this blog, my family and friends, and Dr. G and his wonderful staff, a summary of where I started, where I've been, where I am, and where I am headed.

Let's recap...

I started this journey back in mid April of this year. A goal that seemed impossible. But with a change in diet, attitude and lifestyle, what once seemed impossible started to become a reality.

It is hard to pinpoint how I got to where I did with my health and more specifically, my weight. There were so many factors and a lot of them are totally on me and some of them were health issues that at that time were out of my control.

My goal was to be able to say, on this very day, that I lost a total of 120lbs in 9 months. Well, I can't say that. I mean I could, but I would be totally lying. What I can say is that I lost a total of almost 80lbs (and through lack of focus I have put back on about 10-15lbs of that lost). So here I am at about 70lbs lighter than I was in April. Am I thrilled at that? No. Did I even think that was possible when I started? No. Am I happy, healthier and know I can continue to loose? Yes.

I am pleased that even after the protocol, during maintenance and there after, I have not just totally gained all my weight back, which would have been the case with many "diets". And I also factor in that I have managed this while having quit smoking. That, in itself is an accomplishment to me. If I was putting in the work - the eating like I should be and exercising, I could have reached my goal. That gives me hope. My body is different now.

So what went right?

The Protocol

It makes sense. My body got exactly what it needed and was cleansed from all it didn't need. My metabolism was reset. Insulin resistance became a thing of the past. Sugar and carbs still ridiculously good? Ah...ya, duh? But I don't crave them like I once did and am way more about having a great salad and some protein now. I know my body better. I don't like the sluggish feeling of too many carbs. I know what hungry actually feels like and can identify full (which comes a lot faster now). I don't want a sugar high followed by a crash. I know, for a fact, that my body feels better and works better when I am giving it what it needs and avoiding all it doesn't.

The protocol is super rigid and takes unbelievable self-control. But you can gain, as I did, so much perceptive on what priority food holds in your life. Food was an idol to me. As much as I consumed it, it consumed me. I used it to numb myself and comfort myself. I was left to deal with some really raw emotions. It also makes you reevaluate your time. Our society plans around food - not around each other or activities. Most of the time, in some way, shape, or form, our plans about what, where and when we are eating. Is that okay sometimes? Of course! I love sitting down to share a meal with family and friends. But it should not be the highlight of your day. And this is coming from a wanna-be foodie (I don't have the money to be a real one). I love trying new things and I am a sucker for the now oh so hip cupcake. When I go on vacation, I am excited to try whatever that region is known best for offering. I will have a fish taco when I am in Cali and I will have a poboy in New Orleans. But I will now balance it out by planning out the rest of my day and saying "okay Kate, if you are going to put this many calories towards this than the rest of the day you need to fill up on ______ (fill in a lean protein, veggie, fruit...)". And it doesn't have to be this obsessive compulsive equation you are always figuring out that plagues your mind. After the protocol, it starts to come natural. You understand calories, portions and balance better. It just starts to come naturally. You are just more aware of what you put in your body and how much that effects your overall health.

You also are to weigh yourself daily and then you have your weighs ins at the doctors. This was so important during maintenance as you start to learn about which foods to reintroduce into your diet, how they affect your body and how much to consume.

Also with the protocol, I was losing weight in the areas that I struggled losing weight from before and was not losing lean muscle but was actually losing fat. That was the biggest difference I saw from other times I have gone about losing weight.

Exercise

Climbing that mountain. That could be a metaphor, but for me it was real. It was Sugarloaf Mountain and it became my refuge and my most welcome pain in the bootie. Getting to the top was always worth it. I had to overcome the anxiety of not being able to do it or not being able to do it well enough. It was okay that I was out of breath and sweating. It was okay and felt good to feel the muscles burning throughout my body. There was also core training. A pilates and yoga mix was great for me. Dr. G suggested it from the get go but because of time restraints and not joining a gym, I never saw it as an option. It wasn't until a week of hardcore painting - hours at a time, on huge tarps - having to stretch and hold the most unusual positions, that I realized the benefits. I knew I was stretching some stuff that hadn't been stretched in a while, sweating and feeling the burn, but the real epiphany came when I saw the drop in my body fat percentage that week. So I was sold, and I got a mat and some equipment and can just spread out on my bedroom floor any old time I please and work those muscles that will work for me on their own if I use them enough.

Supplements and Total Health Evaluation

This was not just about weight loss. You can go to past post and see the extent of what I mean. Dr. G tested for things that other doctors never bothered to test for in the past.

What did we find out? My vitamin D was ridiculously low. Although I devised a plan to take up more tanning (a girl can try can't she? Oh, and by the way I quit the tanning bed. The tanning salon still sends me emails about how much they miss me but I just press delete and feel my face for lack of wrinkles), Dr.G being more health conscience and knowing what actually worked put me on vitamin D supplements. The amount of things that can be linked to vitamin D deficiency is amazing and new studies are coming out everyday.

Between the supplements, tea, lots of water, the protocol and exercise, my health changed drastically. We are talking about normal blood sugar levels. The "insulin resistance" or "metabolic syndrome x" that all other doctors just saw as something you could slow down and "treat" with medications and which they pretty much saw as a precursor to diabetes, just started to reverse itself. Food allergies were gone and I was able to enjoy fruits and vegetables that once left me with swollen lips (yes, I know many women pay for these, but believe me, it wasn't cute). I had energy and was more focused. I was no longer anemic. Health was not only an obtainable goal for me, but I was experiencing it.

People and Prayer

I had to be real and honest about where I was at and what had gotten me there.

First, that meant being open about, and acknowledging, years of struggling with an eating disorder that totally threw my metabolism out of whack and took me to extremes of secret late night binge eating and weeks and months of purging. It was the stress eating. It was not believing in myself and giving up on myself. It was not trusting in God in this area of my life. It was being hurt so many times that I finally felt like I didn't deserve health so why even bother. It was depression. It was my own body working against me and doctor after doctor who couldn't give me any answers or the answer of "eat less, exercise more". It was a total loss of control. It was getting to a point that I thought I was a point of no return. It was about addictions and what I found my satisfaction in.

Once I could put all that out on the table, both for me to realize and confront and for others to know and to hold me accountable for, well that is when real change started to happen. No more excuses. It was so much easier to say a guy wasn't in to me because of my weight than to actually think it was because he just wasn't that in to me. I had to confront my issues with food, body image and with other people. I had to ask for prayer and support. I needed to be held accountable. I had to face the fact that I was questioning God's sovereignty in this area of my life.

I had to charge myself with lack of self control and discipline, lack of faith, abusing my body, not being others focused enough, being addicted to various things, not being active enough, and making excuses. And I had to find myself guilty as charged and then even more difficult, I had to move pass and overcome them.

Like I said, when that food was not there to numb myself with anymore my emotions were raw and I had to deal with them. And it was painful.

Those walks up the mountain or those moments that may have been filled with mindless eating, turned to deep, thoughtful, sometimes transforming, moments of evaluation and prayer. As I shed the weight, I started to shed layers of emotions I had been holding on to.

Thinking back to a moment with my dearest friend Lini, just two weeks into the journey, says a lot about the power of people and prayers during this journey:

(from my blog entry on April 27th, 2009 "Scattered but still focused")

The week was sad, emotional and left me really searching. My number one priority was to be there for my friend. Amazingly, in the midst of all this, she was there for me, and reminded me that my struggle was not insignificant, and it was important that I stay focused. She also showed me amazing strength in how she dealt with this tragedy and has greatly inspired me.

I found myself in a place of guilt. Actually, where I physically found myself was in my car, crying into a Tupperware container of 100 grams of cottage cheese and a few strawberries.

I texted her "I don't know if I can do this".

I watched as the people walked up the drive carrying containers of cakes and cookies.

I needed and wanted to be there for her, yet I sat there with tears streaming down my face, not knowing what to do.

My phone rang.

"Where are you?" she said.

"I am at the very end of the line of cars parked by the fence" I said replied between sniffles.

"I will be right there. "

She came to my car and I opened my door.

She knelt down and looked me in the eyes and said "You don't have to go in if you don't think you can handle it".

I explained to her how stupid I felt.

Here we were at the gathering following her loved ones funeral and I am the one crying?!

And about food?!

I was crying because I felt like I had lost.

I knew where I wanted to be. I wanted to be beside my friend. But I was embarrassed. Embarrassed to bring my food in, embarrassed at the thought of people asking me why I wasn't eating, and embarrassed at the deprived feeling I had inside.

I hated me and I hated "it". "It" being food and the power it had over me. I was not hungry. That was not my issue. It was purely mental and emotional.

She prayed with me. Her prayer was powerful and to the point. She prayed I would have strength. She prayed I would be others focused. She prayed that I would realize what an idol food had become in my life. And she prayed for my health.

I finished my meal in my car and then headed up to join everyone. I kept a full cup of water with me at all times. I enjoyed the fellowship with friends and her family so much. I am so thankful that I stayed.

So this brings us to: What went wrong?

Life

I let my circumstances weigh me down and pull me away. I lost my focus. I lost my drive. I was unhappy with where I was at in life in various areas, specifically career wise. I was stressed out. I lost sight of what my ultimate goal was and I quite honestly became bitter.

People, Perception and Unrealistic Expectations aka the "me" show and what happens when all the lights are bright and then they suddenly fade

"How many more pounds this week?"

"I think maybe 1, but my body fat percentage..."

"Oh...well that's okay. Are you still exercising? Have you been sticking to the diet? Sometimes you just hit a plateau and you just have to push through it".

"Um...yeah...thanks".

It started off with hugs, words of encouragement, people letting me know they were praying for me, people telling me that they could see the difference - it was great. The blog, emails from strangers, friends, family... you name it, the attention was great and it kept me motivated and I didn't want to let anyone down and loved all the positive response.

But then it became more about the numbers. People wanted the numbers. And the numbers weren't as "impressive" as when it first started even though great things were happening with my health. I know everyone meant well, but I became bitter and withdrawn. I was like "hello, did anyone catch where I quite smoking cold turkey? Or that for the most part I quit drinking? No?". The scale became the end all be all of whether I was succeeding or not. I started avoiding people (and the scale). I was short with them when I did stop to talk. I was sick of talking about it, especially when I saw the "oh, maybe next time" look on their face. Now please know that I know that this is all my perception of things. But it was real to me then and it was painful. I was depressed and going through a lot and felt like no one cared and that everything was secondary to what size I was down to.

The crowds went home. There was the "biggest loser" challenge at work (which I won) that was a great motivator and I got great encouragement and support from the group of people involved but other than that... life goes on for everyone else. I loved the bright lights and then they got a little too bright, but even worse was when they all went out and I was left to deal with myself. Here I was trying not be so self focused and it totally back fired. I felt left out and forgotten. I felt alone. But then, I got some company...which brings us to: my Mom starting the protocol.

Yep. You would think it would be great to have someone that close to you joining the journey with you. Nope. Now my biggest cheerleader had to focus on herself. It wasn't "my journey" it was "our journey". It wasn't "my doctor" it was "our doctor". She wanted to exercise together. I like to exercise alone. I now shared the mountain. I was comparing myself to her success. I was mad that I was stuck at a desk while she could get an extra walk in or that she was heading to the top of Sugarloaf while I was sitting at the bottom of a hill in traffic. Don't get me wrong, I was and I am proud of all she has accomplished and know she is going to continue because neither of us want to go back to where we were with our health. I was just not prepared, nor never expected, to feel the way I did. And I hated myself for feeling that way. So, as horrible as it sounds, if I am going to be honest with "what went wrong", well, this was a factor. A selfish, annoying, want to get over it, factor. But a factor nonetheless.

Time, Money and Energy

This is a factor as much as it is an excuse. It is real but I could have tried harder to not let it become something that got me off track. I was emotionally drained due to some personal things going on in my life. Exercise was the last thing on my mind. Planning meals ahead of time and shopping for them was not at the forefront of my mind nor was it something I budgeted for. I went for convenience food which is usually not the healthiest or the cheapest.

My son went back to school. It was going to work, driving home as the sun went down and then getting home to help him with homework and then getting him to bed. Repeat.

It was the change of the seasons. I do not like the cold or attempt to embrace it. I didn't want to go out and exercise, much less get out from under the warm covers. It got darker earlier and the sun was often hiding behind the clouds (literally as well as mentally).

I just wanted warmth, time and sunshine.

My mood declined as did my will, focus and energy. My hours have always been irregular. I am a night owl. But when I do sleep, I tend to get quality sleep. That was not the case for awhile. My mind was my worst enemy and I woke up feeling like I didn't get any sleep. I was having headaches from stress. I was not in a good place and I was having a hard time seeing the sun from behind the gray cloud.

Also as I blogged about, with everything going on, combined with all these emotions, old habits came to the surface http://ktns311.blogspot.com/2009/08/it-happens-so-fast.html

I got mad at myself and disappointed with myself and was tired of dealing with me. I just wanted to give up on everything, including myself.

Holidays

Once I realized I wasn't going to make my 120 goal, I gave in to the holiday excuse. And honestly, I didn't do as bad as I could have or have before, but I definitely did not do myself any favors.

So now what?

Well, I have to acknowledge one more time: I did not reach my goal.

And now I need to accept that and move on.

I am not giving up. No way.

I have spent much time evaluating all these things I have listed and know this is a learning process and things will continue to be revealed to me. These are more things I have to be aware of as I continue. I continue to know myself better. My weaknesses, my strengths, my down right selfish and sinful nature that loves to surface just when I think I am doing my best. Life is going to happen and I just have to deal with it and not give up my health even though it seems like everything else is crumbling down around me.

I lost my job about two weeks ago due to downsizing. It was not an ideal job at all and I took it thinking it would be temporary but was there for more than a year. But no matter how unhappy I was, I would have never just up and quit. Dr.G checked in and asked how I was doing when he saw my Facebook status. I told him I was devastated. But, even though I was devastated, I did not head to the bar. I did not go buy a pack of ciggs. I did not go pick up Ben and Jerry's to come home to wallow and binge. That is change. That is progress. That says something about what has changed in me through all this. This shows me how God is working in me. Yes, I cried and I hide under my covers for a bit, but I was up and about after a day, applying for jobs, being productive, and trying to stay focused.

Now, I must take that same resolve, that same state of mind, and apply it to my health.

I had some set backs. I am not where I thought I would be or where I wanted to be at this moment and time. But that is okay. And I need to get up and going. I will get to my goal. Taking it day by day and always making sure I stop to look back to see how far I've come, but never stopping too long, because I need to keep looking forward.

And by the way, I am ready for the light to come on a bit again. Not "The Me Show, The Sequel", but to hear and share with others who have gone through this, are going through this or maybe just have a word of encouragement or wisdom some wisdom to share. The "light" I am seeking is something shared between people and I want it back in my life, just not focused on me. It is amazing the warmth you can share with someone through the cold glare of a computer screen. I am blessed with many who shine so brightly in my life and welcome you to come along and join me as I continue to venture through this journey. I also would love to be part of your journey. This journey isn't one year or one goal. This journey is life.

You can leave the organic apple on my desk on your way out

2009-08-27T19:42:00.000-07:00

(Walking in room, with hair pulled back in a bun, wearing black rimmed glasses and a white lab coat)

Okay, now that I've set the tone with my entrance, you are ready to hear what intellectually stimulating information I have to share with you today, correct? I will assume you nodded your head eagerly.

Actually, what I am about to do is get to the heart of an issue that I get asked about a lot. Why organic? I am not going to get into the great organic debate. I am not able to tell you that the nutritional value of organic blueberries is greater than that of conventional blueberries. But what I can tell you, is that buying organic, especially while on the protocol, is not fruitless.

In past posts I have addressed my long going battle with environmental and food allergies. I have had 2 apples, 1 orange, and 2 glasses of fresh lemonade today. If I had done that just 6 months ago I would not be able to be sitting here typing this. Why? Well, for starters, I would not be able to see because my eyes would be swollen shut, I would be knocked out from taking the highest dose of antihistamine allowed, and I the hives up and down my body would make me too uncomfortable to sit still.

Apples, oranges, lemons, strawberries, lettuce, tomatoes, coffee, eggplant, basil, eggs, milk, grapefruit, peaches, yeast and pineapple are just an example of the foods that my body could not tolerate. My allergies were just one of many health issues I was dealing with. My medical records should have been marked with a big question mark. Insulin resistance, metabolic syndrome X, irritable bowel syndrome, acid reflux, chronic candidiasis, and anemia where some of the different labels/diagnosis that countless doctors had given me. But none of the doctors were able to help me. My non-ability to loose weight with proper diet and exercise was never explained. I was just always told to "eat less and exercise more". But what about the fatigue? The extremely high white blood cell count level from my lab results? The chronic ear infections? The abdominal pain? The swelling, dizziness, headaches, nausea, acid reflux, sore throat, itching and pain? What about those?

You are what you eat. I was over-processed, unnatural, toxic and well, hormonal. We make a lot of choices everyday. There are also many things you don't have a choice in, such as the air you breathe, the toxins you are unaware of in the products you use daily or what might be in the water you drink. But something you do have control over is the food you buy and consume.

I went to Dr.G with a desire, but little hope, for answers. What was unique about his care and the protocol was that it was science simplified. It in it's self was organic. Dr.G looked over years of lab results looking for patterns. We discussed all the health issues I had been struggling with. Now, this would be the point where most doctors would prescribe you some medicine who's side effects looked worse than what you were dealing with or they would give you some basic explanation on eating right and exercise and "come back and see me in a couple of months and let's see if their have been any changes". That is not what happened with Dr.G.

Let's take a walk down to the science fair, shall we?

Variables. Sound familiar?

Maybe in 3rd grade your science class grew plants. Each student had two plants. Maybe it was the kind of soil, the amount of water each plant received or maybe it was natural vs unnatural sunlight exposure. The point of the project was to show you how independent and dependent variables can be used to track and measure results.

When you have too many variables, or you are unaware of exactly what all your variables are, then you will have a pretty hard time trying to measure and track results with any logical reason or rhyme.

By limiting your number of variables you are able to maintain control of your "experiment" in a quantitative way. Less variables = more control, thus the ability to measure your results and draw accurate conclusions. (uses pointer finger to push glasses up)

The protocol resets your body. Your health improves in various ways. What you do during the protocol determines the outcome. Our bodies are so complex and so connected that it boggles the mind. So if I had poor health, which I did, I would want to make it as easy as possible for Dr.G to be able to track my results in order to draw accurate conclusions. Let's say there is a person who comes to see Dr.G and they are overweight, suffering from very dry skin, fatigue and chronic headaches. Now, could all of this be linked to obesity? Yes. But what if they're not? What if the headaches are caused by a chemical in the shampoo they have been using. So during the protocol the patient uses all organic beauty and hygiene products and maintains an organic diet. Two weeks in they notice the headaches are gone. By the end of the protocol they feel great and the health problems that plagued them before are a thing of the past. Two weeks later the patient calls Dr.G and tells him that over the last three days the headaches have returned and are getting progressively worse. Because of the controlled variables during the protocol, Dr.G is able to start looking for a reason why the symptoms are returning. Dr.G can find out what the patient has been doing differently for the last three days and it may be as easy as the patient saying they started using _____ shampoo again and Dr.G telling them to stop using it and let him know if that changes anything. Is it perfect science? No. It may be the shampoo and it may not be. But there is a heck of a lot better way of finding out what is causing the problem in a controlled study with less variables.

And personally, I enjoy organic products, specifically produce, much more than conventional. I really can tell a difference between the taste of the two. Hormones, pesticides, labels with words that look made up and that are practically impossible to pronounce - I don't know about you but the choice just kind of makes sense.

I had a slight advantage going into all of this due to my past work experience. I have worked for both a non-profit organization which along with various other projects, researched organic and natural food and its impact on people and the environment, as well as working for an organic grocery chain. So when I was given the list of approved foods and products for the protocol I was not struck with fear and panic about where to find such items. But as I went through protocol, I started having a desire to go to each of the local organic and natural grocers in the area.

I went. I saw. I found the best price on liquid stevia.

It was actually really fun and enjoyable going around to each location. What was I looking for?

Quality products
Reasonable prices
One stop shopping
Good customer service
Variety
Not too many distractions aka "just because it is natural or organic, it does not mean it is healthy, so please keep your junk food and gourmet treats to a minimum and not scattered all over the store just to make a sale"

Where to?

Whole Foods
Trader Joe's
Harris Teeter
The Common Market
MOM's My Organic Market
Roots
David's Natural Market
The local big name grocery store

Survey says....

I did find strengths and weaknesses among each of the contenders. But at the end of the day, only one stood out as the place I would recommended over the others. Before revealing that, here is a review of each store:

The Good, The Bad, The "are your employees allowed to be eating falafels while stocking produce?"

Whole Foods

Quality products? I am always impressed with Whole Foods products. They are definitely a leader in the industry and I was extremely happy to read an article about how they plan to go back to focusing on healthy foods and veer away from the foodie haven they have become.

Reasonable prices? This is always a debatable one, and I didn't feel like getting into the "cost of organics" all though I can sum it up by saying the cost of organics is not greater than the cost of your health. I can go into how you actually end up saving money on food shopping during the protocol and through a natural and organic shopping as lifestyle for another time. I would say they are very competitive with their produce cost. Meats and proteins vary. It was the hygiene and beauty products that I found the most costly, although you can find some really good deals at times.

One stop shopping? Unfortunately not. At least not for me. You will come to have certain products that will be staples in your diet. For me it was Vanilla Creme Liquid Stevia. I found it in one Whole Foods, but it was not at the two locations closest to me. The price was also much higher so I wouldn't choose to shop there for it.

Good customer service? Most definitely. The staff is for the most part knowledgeable about their products and are available to help you when you have a question or can not locate an item.

Variety? Yes and I would actually say too much. It is nice to have a good selection of meats and proteins though.

Not too many distractions aka "just because it is natural or organic, it does not mean it is healthy, so please keep your junk food and gourmet treats to a minimum and not scattered all over the store just to make a sale"? We will see how they do with restructuring the model, but as of right now, unless you have blinders...

Trader Joe's

I am actually just going to sum this one up with "don't bother". I never found what I was looking for and was overwhelmed by the all natural junk food. Don't get me wrong, I love Trader Joe's, but it just wasn't worth going in to get the few items they did have on my list and walking through aisles of things I couldn't eat on the protocol, and shouldn't eat off the protocol.

Harris Teeter

Quality products? Yes. I got some of the best apples from here. They do carry both organic and conventional, which is something I have a bit of an issue with. Assuming they are bringing all of there produce into one area to be cut and washed before being put out, I always wonder what procedures are in place as far as rinsing down areas, washing knives..etc. Just something to consider.

Reasonable prices? If you have a VIC card (their store discount card) you can get some really great deals.

One stop shopping?Not even close. But I did end up going here a lot actually because they carried an item I couldn't find anywhere else, which was Arizona Unsweetened Ice Tea (and that includes no honey). They also have a good selection of cottage cheese and yogurt.

Good customer service? I love the employees at Harris Teeter. They don't hover but are always there...does that make sense? The store is always clean and the staff is super friendly.

Variety? Yes, but not really of products that you need.

Not too many distractions aka "just because it is natural or organic, it does not mean it is healthy, so please keep your junk food and gourmet treats to a minimum and not scattered all over the store just to make a sale"? They do a great job with this and do not pull stunts like putting a pie display in the produce section. Of course they carry many of those products but you would have to make an effort to go by them.

The Common Market

This is another one that I can sum up pretty quick. Way too expensive for your regular grocery shopping. Maybe if you are part of the co-op then you would not feel that way, but I left with only half the things I needed, not because they didn't have it, but because it was just too expensive. I can say they carry quality products though and that they have, from what I saw, a pretty overall healthy selection.

MOM's My Organic Market

Quality products? When it comes to the brand names in the organic and natural product world, you will probably be able to find it at MOM's. Not incredibly impressed with the quality of the produce but it really varies each time you visit.

Reasonable prices? What I found at MOM's is that I could find a really good deal on specific items but not very competitive as a whole.

One stop shopping?Not if you eat meat. The meat selection is...well, not a selection really. You will find liquid stevia, powder stevia and agave nectar here though.

Good customer service? Some of their locations more than others. They do carry your bags to your car, although during the protocol I was looking to get as much exercise as possible, but it is still a nice gesture.

Variety? Good variety for hygiene and beauty products. They also carry a decent variety of unsweetened drinks and a wide variety of tea.

Not too many distractions aka "just because it is natural or organic, it does not mean it is healthy, so please keep your junk food and gourmet treats to a minimum and not scattered all over the store just to make a sale"? Stay on the outside of aisles of the store and skip everything in between. Frustrating when their huge selection of tea is across from their huge selection of chips. If you are looking for a treat then they will probably have what you are looking for, but if you are trying to stay focused and pick up the essentials for your diet it may be a bit overwhelming.

Roots Market

Quality products? The salad bar was the first thing I saw when I came in and it looked amazing. Great produce and brand names I trust.

Reasonable prices? They had the best prices on produce, meat and vitamins compared to the other stores.

One stop shopping?I was able to find everything I needed and I didn't feel like I was on a scavenger hunt. They had everything I needed, as in the basics, and they also had the products that I have trouble finding like the liquid stevia at a great price, and they carried the new unsweetened Steaz lemon iced tea, which I only found at one other place.I also got a salad for lunch.

Good customer service? Roots employees know the products. They were not just friendly, but they were genuinely friendly.

Variety? Like I said, I found everything I needed as well as the products that I loved that I had not been able to find easily at other places. I was even introduced to some products I hadn't seen previously that I now have come to love. Now, the hygiene and health section at Roots is a lot smaller than most of the other stores, but they carried the best brands. So maybe this would be a negative thing if you are someone who likes to constantly try something new. But for someone like me who can waste a lot of money on things I don't need, I appreciated this area not being stocked with every brand out there.

Not too many distractions aka "just because it is natural or organic, it does not mean it is healthy, so please keep your junk food and gourmet treats to a minimum and not scattered all over the store just to make a sale"? They win the gold star on this one. I actually didn't see the "junk" food till I actually went and looked for it because I started to think they didn't have any. It was there and it was very limited and condensed to one area and not scattered about.

David's Natural Market

Quality products? I was very impressed with the products at David's.

Reasonable prices? They had some of the best deals out of all the stores.

One stop shopping? This could definitely be one stop shopping. Between the cost and variety I was able to find everything I was looking for and at a good price.

Good customer service? I really didn't interact with any of their employees other than someone who was working in the produce section and he was very focused on doing his job which I appreciated. He smiled and nodded at me and went back to what he was doing. Checkout wasn't the greatest as they are very limited in space and my groceries where not exactly handled with care as they had to be stacked on each other.

Variety? This is where I first spotted the sugar free Steaz lemon ice tea. They had more sugar free products than the other stores so I felt like I definitely had more options, especially when it came to beverages. Meat and protein where decent but if going on a regular basis I would want more variety. They definitely shine the brightest in their selection of hygiene and beauty products.

Not too many distractions aka "just because it is natural or organic, it does not mean it is healthy, so please keep your junk food and gourmet treats to a minimum and not scattered all over the store just to make a sale"? For the most part it wasn't an issue and once you were in the section you wanted to be in there weren't products mixed in that shouldn't have been there. But it they don't have a whole lot of space and the way the store is laid out you pretty much have to go by foods that may get you off track.

The local big name grocery store

Most of the big name grocery stores are trying to add some natural and organic products to their selection. Everywhere from Super Walmart to Safeway. For the most part though, the bulk of the organic and natural foods are going to be in the freezer aisle and that is not really what you are looking for on the protocol. Good luck trying to find more than one brand of natural or organic hygiene and beauty products. All and all, not worth the trouble unless you know they have a specific item you are looking for.

And the winner is...

Roots Market is by far my pick for where to shop. I was impressed from the moment I walked in to the moment I walked out of the store with everything I needed and even some new things to try. And since it didn't break the bank, next time I can head over next door to their pet store "bark!" and pick up some treats for our new puppy.

I am doing my shopping this weekend and already feel a sense of relief knowing where I want to go and that I will find what I need. That is just one less variable that I don't need to stress over.

Class is dismissed.

Coming soon...Why Organics? Where to shop and what to buy?

2009-08-17T23:19:00.000-07:00

I have been working on the next post and hope to have that up and posted tomorrow night.

It will be addressing the "Why Organic?" question, sharing some of my favorite products, as well as telling you where I shop, what I think of each place, how they rank, and who came out on top.

It happens so fast

2009-08-17T19:59:00.000-07:00

Last week my status on Facebook was "Katie is starting to feel like the White Rabbit, always checking the clock and running from one place to the next and in turn she is beginning to feel like the Mad Hatter".

The pace is finally starting to slow down. I can stop making "to do" lists and actually take a moment to look at the ones which have been completed. It has been a busy and somewhat stressful month, but it has also been one full of lots of great experiences. I was able to take part in many things, despite the fact that most of them overlapped a bit. The downside is that this time of busyness has left me with blog overload. So many things I want to say and address and now I am just trying to figure out how to break them down without rambling on and jumping from topic to topic. So here we go...

Last Sunday I took a look at the calendar to see how many more weeks I had left of the hCG injections and VLCD for Round Two of the protocol. I think I must have gone back three times to recount the days on my calendar. It just did not seem possible. The last shot was the next day! How did this happen? It felt like a week, maybe two, had gone by, but 39 days? It was amazing how the time just flew by this round.

There are so many factors as to why:

You know the protocol.

You know what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat, where to buy it and how to cook it.

Meals are no longer "work". You have found enough recipes that you like and know how to space them out and don't feel as bored with the what you have to work with.

Trips to the grocery stores are fast. You know what you need and you are no longer inspecting each label since you have found the products that meet the protocols guidelines and have decided which ones you like (although I do always look for new products, and stores, that I like because I love seeing what else is out there). You also feel as if you have blinders on as you go through the store since you know which aisles to avoid and you go into a "I'm on a mission" mode, just going in to get what you need and getting out.

Exercise is a no brainer. Yes, you still have to find the time to fit it in and the energy to get started, but you have learned how you just don't feel "right" when you go without and you have really started to enjoy it.

But I think the biggest reason the time goes by so fast though is because you feel good and you know that what you are doing yields results. You have energy and want to keep busy and you are now doing things that you would not have done before. You are not dwelling or moping. Food is no longer an idol. Your mind and time are now free to other things. God has been amazing in this area for me. My thought life has grown so much. That time we have to process everything from our emotions, our interactions with others, our dreams and goals, or praying and focusing on areas in which you need to grow and on really finding the joy in the blessings in your life, is so important and all too often neglected. There is a peace and comfort found during those times and it gives you a chance to recollect yourself. When the anxiety, fear, hopelessness and anger that consume you due to poor health and weight, finally loose their grip on your thoughts and emotions, you are freed from so much and start to think and feel in new ways.

And now here you are, finally seeing improvements, some very drastic, and you are focused, motivated and quite honestly, overwhelmed. It is a very emotional process. You are dealing with letting go of past feelings, thoughts and behavior. You breaking bad habits and making drastic changes. There is a flood of emotions and you may be caught off guard with some of the things that come to surface. This is something I have been wanting to address. I typed it up once and then just deleted it because I was embarrassed and did not even want to acknowledge it. I finally opened up and spoke to my mother and finally to Dr.G about what I was struggling with. I feel it is important for me to be honest about what my experience has been, especially as quite a few individuals who are very dear to me have decided to start their own journey.

Like I said, this experience has been very emotional. Just to think of how I felt the first week, to the first weigh-in, to the end of my first round and on the second, to where I am now, is exhausting.

As I was shedding pounds, many things buried deep inside came to the surface. I have struggled with bulimia since my early teens. It came easy to me. There are many people who say "I could never do that! I can't stand to throw up and wouldn't dare do it on purpose!". Well, I am not one of those people. It takes little work for me and is more satisfying than it is painful. There were maybe periods of a couple months that I would do it on a regular basis, but for the most part it has always come in waves. Something would trigger it and it would go on for a few days till I grew tired of hiding it (the noise, the wrappers, the smells, the sight) and I would decide to let it go for awhile. It was never really about weight loss. I say that because I never yielded results from it but I continued to do it. It was an overwhelming feeling to cleanse myself. To get whatever I had binged on out of me.It never usually started out as a plan, as in, "now I am going to binge and purge", it kind of just snowballed into it until I was at a point of no return.

It is late and everyone is in bed. I have a bowel of ice cream. I feel bad for eating it. I want to throw it up. Well if I am going to go to the trouble of doing that I might as well make it worth it. Maybe I will go for a second bowel of scream. Or maybe some of those cookies that I left alone earlier or that chocolate I know is stashed away somewhere. Why not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or bowel of cereal, a glass of chocolate milk...? I grab a few things at a time and mindlessly watch TV as I consume as much food as I can. I make sure I am quiet and I am paranoid about someone coming downstairs. Dishes and utensils are immediately washed and put away. Wrappers are plunged to the depths of the garbage can. And now I want nothing more than to get all of it out. Maybe it is the shower because the noise and the quick cleanup up. There is always the toilet, but then you need to find a way to cover up the noise and to make sure everything is cleaned up. Or maybe you have gone so far that you have a stash of plastic bags in your bedroom. You turn on some music or your TV and when you're done you stash it away until the next morning when you can dispose of it somewhere when no one is around. You do as much as possible because there is always that feeling that you haven't gotten it all out. You finally give in when your throat is raw and you taste blood, your noise is running, there are tears streaming down your face and your eyes are bloodshot. You still feel like you didn't do enough. You never will.

I know. It's gross. It is sad and pathetic. It is too much detail. But you know what? It is a reality for thousands of girls and women, even boys and men, and it is still a subject that is considered a taboo in a culture that doesn't have many subjects that are. It is a reality for me. It is trying to fill a void that can't be filled or that doesn't even exist and then a strange mix of punishing yourself yet granting yourself to undo what you have done. You feel disgusting and want to cleanse yourself. You will never feel full enough or empty enough.

So did I clean out the cupboards and indulge in all of my favorite foods that are not allowed on the protocol? No. No, this was something very different. This was reaching goals. This was gaining health. This was utter fear that I would loose it. This was my mind and my heart deceiving me and not focusing on the amazing work God had, and was continuing to do, in my life. This was so different. It was "I think I had one more strawberry than I was supposed to have". This was "I feel like maybe I ate too much cottage cheese". I scared myself. I thought this was in my past. It only happened a few times, but it was a few times too many. So I needed to really question and search myself. I prayed about it. I wrote about it. And finally I talked about it. And since digging deep and continuing to examine this rather than bury it, I felt a burden on my heart to address it and to acknowledge that we all have something we hope never comes to the surface. It may not be bulimia. It may not be any kind of food related issue. It might something brand new that enters in to the picture.

I feel a lot of it has to with the changes that occur as your view and focus changes as you begin down the path. I was left with so much extra time to think. The hopelessness, sickness, self pity, bitterness, and depression were no longer consuming all my thoughts and emotions. It has been a huge blessing. To be able to be others focused and to devote your time, thoughts and emotions into what is important, has been something that has been life changing. But there are two sides to every coin and as you experience your highs, just be prepared for those lows to sneak up on you. Surround yourself with people you love and who love you. Write. Talk. Question your motives and desires. Continue to challenge yourself. Be thankful for the health and acknowledge the hard work you have put in and realize that it didn't happen overnight. I never thought I would get to this point. I had given up. And then change finally comes, and I see improvements in my health in such a short matter of time, and I was left to wonder if and when it would be taken away from me. I am not sure what else to say on this issue. It is very difficult to put it all into words and I do not think I can adequately express the emotions and thoughts that may arise, but I hope I was able to convey some of the emotions that or struggles one may face as they go through these changes.

But you know, that is just one tiny bit of all that has been going on. Yes, it is a very big deal, but in no way has it left me hopeless and downtrodden. There is so much to be thankful for and I continue to be amazed at the continued improvement in my health and decline in my weight. I saw Dr.G this past Friday for my weigh-in and just to go over a "now what" plan.

My total weight loss goal is 120lbs. Since April 11th, I have lost 70lbs. I have passed my halfway point. My allergies are virtually gone. Still no ear infections (this is the longest period of time I can recall without getting one). My energy is up and I am more focused. I feel good. I feel hopeful. Most of all, I feel very, very blessed. I continue to have amazing support and encouragement from family and friends. I have been so blessed by many relationships I have developed during this time, with people who have also struggled with their health. I continue to be so amazed by Dr.G's care, support, enthusiasm, knowledge and dedication he shows and how he not only is focused on helping me reach my goals, but to exceed and maintain them.

For the 3 days following the last hCG injection I continued the VLCD (very low calorie diet). Then I added the all protein breakfast. For three weeks, I will continue following the same regimen I did during the VLCD phase with the addition of breakfast. This is called the maintenance phase. Which really, as far as I am concerned, is a life long phase. It depends on the person though. After three weeks of maintenance, you are then able to slowly introduce some starches and sugars back into your diet. There are a lot of foods I have just said goodbye too. I know my body better than ever now. I know if I want to continue to loose I should continue to avoid starches and sugars as much as possible. I want to continue down this path. I want to increase the exercise. I want to reach my goal by the end of this year. That is my plan for now. There are no plans for a Round 3 of hCG anytime in the near future. I will continue to see Dr.G though for wellness and for other health issues he has been addressing. I still have quite a way to go but I am feeling very hopeful about things to come.

In just 2 weeks I will no longer fit the headline "27 year old female seeks stable relationship with health". It is now "28 year old female seeks to grow and nurture new relationship with health".

"The Gun Show" is sponsored by...

2009-07-16T19:52:00.000-07:00

I finally get a chance to update!

I have enjoyed blogging so much as I go through this experience. It has been an amazing journey so far and to be able to share it with others, and get their feedback, has been a huge part of my motivation and drive. The support, the love, the prayers, the questions, and the sharing of your own personal stories, has been so encouraging. Thank you again.

So here I am now. Already two weeks in to round two of the hCG protocol.

The maintenance period (the 3 weeks after you finish the shots) went great. I decided that I didn't want to add sugars and starches back into my diet, even once allowed, because I knew I was going to start the protocol again and I wanted to continue to cleanse my body from what I had craved the most.

I did however introduce breakfast back into my routine. I made sure to have a low-fat, protein breakfast with no fruits or veggies, as advised. My breakfast was usually either egg whites, lean sausage, greek yogurt, or my favorite, a gluten-free, sugar-free, soy based, vanilla Spirulina protein shake with a drop of vanilla creme liquid stevia and a splash of soy milk. That is actually what I am missing most now back on the VLCD! It is so strange and wonderful how my body has changed.

It was great having more ingredients to work with for lunch and dinner during the maintenance period. I enjoyed having some mixed seasonal berries with yogurt, or mixing up a great salad, with some shredded cheese sprinkled on top and some sugar-free raspberry vinaigrette.

Speaking of sugar-free raspberry vinaigrette...

2pm, at the Safeway next to my office, in the dressing aisle:

Container of veggies, a tub of cottage cheese and a pint of strawberries cradled in my left arm and the my right arm reaching for salad dressing up on the shelf so I can read label.

I spot an elderly couple approaching from the end of the aisle, coming from the right.

They are probably in their 90's. Both hunched over walkers and are slowly approaching. Scooting to be exact.

Me: still looking at salad dressing labels, looking for the 1 out of 80 that is actually sugar-free.

Elderly couple: still approaching. Very slowly.

Me: I can feel the walkers getting closer, but continue to look at the salad dressings. I can see out of the corner of my eye that the old lady has veered to the other side of the aisle. The old man continues straight down my side of the aisle.

Old man: *scoot*

Me: I feel like I can't move. Not sure what to do. Is he playing chicken? Is he blind? I think about moving but I don't want to startle him.

Old man: *scoot*

Me: still clutching groceries in left arm and I now have my arm extended in midair holding a bottle of dressing that I stare at but I am no longer reading.

Old man: *scoot* *scoot*

Me: statue holding bottle of dressing like a trophy.

*scoot*

I feel the cold metal of his walker softly push against my leg.

*Note: For the three months prior to this incident I had been lifting weights on a daily basis and my arms had become more defined and toned. Now, although I had lost 34lbs up until this point, my arms had not been a place where I had noticed much weight loss. My face, shoulders, tummy and waist had all slimmed down, but again, not my arms. So this makes my arms stand out more compared to the rest of me. I have always been broad shouldered and heavier on top. Also, my arms have always had a good amount of muscle and with the fat over the muscle they appear even larger.*

Old man: in a shaky New York/Jewish accent, looks up at me, eyes glazed over, maybe even sparkling, says, with much gusto, "You've got the biggest arms I've ever seen on a lady!"

Me:

Old man: "I looked at you and was thinking you couldn't hurt a fly, but no guys better mess with you with those arms you of yours!".

He continues to stare up at me, almost in amazement, my arm still flexed holding the salad dressing in the air.

I delicately place the bottle back on the shelf and slowly put my arm down to my side.

Old woman: "Come on!".

Old man: takes one last look and then scoots around me and off around the corner to the next aisle to catch up with her.

I walked in a daze to the checkout line.

I sat in my car for a good 10min before going back in to work, just staring at my arms in the rear view mirror.

Maybe he had an arm fetish and had a monthly subscription to some magazine called like "Bulk" or "Muscle Maidens" about woman bodybuilders? I mean, I had been tanning and had put aloe gel on my arms early that day? Big, shiny, tan arms...maybe that was it?

Or maybe, he was super hungry, and just like in the cartoons, right before his eyes my arm turned into a big chicken wing? His eyes glazed over as he slowly made his way, scooting down that aisle, the DRESSING aisle, making it all that much more glorious...maybe?

Or maybe, I just have really big arms for a lady.

But that is pretty amazing because he is not far from the Smucker's birthday greeting from Willard on the Today show, so, you know, he's seen a whole lotta arm in his day.

So that is my humbling arm story. Should vanity strike as my weight continues to plummet, just yell out to me "Katie, you've got the biggest arms I've ever seen on a lady!". And yeah, that should do it.

So I started round two on July 3rd. I went in and saw Dr.G, who I couldn't thank enough, and got weighed, got my B-12 shot, and my bag of hCG shots and I was on my way. I had lost a total of 41lbs. I was ecstatic. I was ready for round two and so excited to continue my journey. But wait...

What are the first two days of the protocol?

Anyone?

Bueller?

LOAD DAYS.

Oh yes, load days. Two days where you are instructed to "eat to full capacity". Two days of loading up on fats and carbs. Two days to get in all your favorite foods that you will not be having in a long time or maybe have decided not at ever to have again.

Load days.

Put down the sugar

2009-06-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here this Saturday morning, sipping my sugar free protein shake, which I look forward to having every morning. Who would have thunk it? It has definitely been a couple months of lots of surprises.

I am noticing all these things more and more as I go through this process.

I don't feel right if I don't exercise. I am not just calorie, carb or fat counting, but when I go to eat something I am looking for the nutritional value and trying to balance out each meal and make sure my body is getting what it needs.

I have already scheduled my appointment to start Round Two of the protocol. Yep, another surprise. I am at the end of the 3 weeks after the hCG injections and the VLCD, having been allowed to add in different foods and add in breakfast again, but still no adding in any starch or sugar. In about two days I would be able to add starch and sugar into my diet again in small portions. I had already made a decision about 2 weeks ago that I wasn't going to add them back in, at least for now. It is all about knowing yourself, and I know that I need more time without starch and sugar. I really want to learn not to be dependent on them for satisfying meals. I want to continue to come up with meals full of protein and fruits and vegetables, that are low in fats and carbs. It is a challenge. But it is also rewarding.

It has been 53 days since I started my journey. At my final weigh-in with Dr.G, on May 30th, I had lost 28lbs. That was my last day of the shots. The goal at that point is while adding in breakfast and some other foods that were not allowed on the VLCD phase, you were to continue eating healthy, exercising, and to continue to maintain or hopefully continue to loose more weight. I have now lost 34.4lbs total. I am excited. My energy is great, my health, and all the other changes in my health I listed in my last posting have continued to improve.

Because of what the hCG does within the body (allows it to tap into your body’s abnormal fat deposits (shoulders, upper arms, stomach, hips, thighs, and buttocks) which are deposits that are not usually accessible to the body for fat consumption, and thus releasing the abnormal fat into the blood stream and out of the body, as well as affecting the hypothalamus and base metabolism) I want to get going on Round Two and to continue to "reset" my body. Yes, that means no more of my yummy protein shakes in the morning, and no more mixed vegetables with a sprinkling of cheese, but those things just don't even compare. I am still about 90lbs from my goal. I am kind of in an all or nothing state of mind.

I see my Mom's excitement in seeing me really pushing myself and her love as she helps me shop for food and prepare food and is supporting me with her eating habits as well.

My Dad came to me one afternoon and said "I just wanted to say I am sorry, I am so quick to tell you when you are doing something wrong and then when you are doing something great I don't even recognize it". He hugged me tight and said "I am so proud of you Kate, you are doing amazing". I can't tell you how much that meant.

My coworkers make comments each day when I come in about how much my body is changing and already the amazing difference they see. We started the "Biggest Loser" challenge again at work and I have a pretty good feeling about it this time around.

My church family encourages me and prays for me and I get so many hugs and words of encouragement from them.

My friends have been amazing and amazed. I think both the determination and willpower I have exhibited, as well as the results, have really taken them back. They have been there with me through so many failed attempts and so many issues with my health and it is fills my heart with joy to see their excitement and enthusiasm.

The biggest one though is my son. Hiking with Will on Sugarloaf Mountain. When we would stop so I could catch my breath, he would pray for me. Although one prayer was, "God please don't let my Mommy die on the mountain" - but, I just think he is kind of in awe because it wasn't very long ago at all that I was winded from going up the stairs. He encourages my choices in food, and tells me so proud he is of me. He is quick to tell me that my "shoulders look smaller" or my "belly isn't that big anymore". I think he is really proud of his Mom, which means more to me than I could ever express.

So here I am, 34lbs lighter, and ready to keep going. I start back up on July 3rd. Until then I will continue exercising, eating right, and most importantly praying. God is so good and so faithful. He brings me through each minute of the day and continues to reveal Himself to me through this experience.

I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the beginning of their summer. I can't say it enough - don't wait to make a difference in your health. Don't let what ever that "thing" is that is standing in your way, stop you. For me it was doubt. Doubt from and of doctors. Doubt that I could do it. Doubt that it would work. Doubt in God. I am so glad that I didn't wait for that doubt to go away, because the truth is, it never would have. It only could by going around it.

My Mom always says to me when I get frustrated at how much further I have to go. "Katie, think of carrying around a 5 lb bag of sugar all the time and how many of those you have put down".

Newest results are in...on to the next stage...

2009-05-31T20:43:00.000-07:00

So finally I get to update. This weekend and last weekend have been crazy and I have a lot to say.

Here I am, 40 days into my journey and at a huge milestone.

So to go back from the start...

It started with the two load days (aka stuff your face days), followed by 42 days of the VLCD (very low calorie diet - 500 calorie).

Here is the outline of the VLCD:

Breakfast:

Tea or coffee in any quantity without sugar. Only one tablespoonful of milk allowed in 24 hours. Saccharin, Splenda or Stevia may be used. (I am a huge fan of liquid Stevia!)

Lunch:
100 grams of a protien
1 breadstick (grissino) or one Melba toast
1 vegetable
1 fruit
W
hen you start the protocol, you receive an list of approved foods for each stage. Like I have said in past post, bananas are not allowed during the protocol. Why? It is all about how our bodies process foods. The body processes bananas as a starch. Nothing about this protocol is random or without purpose. It is based on science.

The juice of one lemon daily is allowed for all purposes. Salt, pepper, vinegar, mustard powder, garlic, sweet basil, parsley, thyme, majoram, etc. may be used for seasoning, but no oil, butter or dressing.

Tea, coffee, plain water, or mineral water are the only drinks allowed, but they may be taken in any quantity and at all times. (At least 2 liters a day)

No medicines (you stay on your prescription drugs) or cosmetics other than lipstick, eyebrow pencil and powder may be used without special permission (mineral based and all natural are okay). Buy all organic if possible , which I did as much as possible.

You inject a shot of hCG in the morning (IT DOES NOT HURT! Everyone asked me this and my honest response was that someone pinching me hurt a heck of a lot more). You start the shot on the first load day and continue them for 39 days. My last shot was on Thursday.

You continue the 500 calorie diet for three days after your last shot.

After that, you may add in additional fruits (except ones like watermelon which read as a sugar to the body) and vegetables (other than things such as potatoes which are a starch) and different proteins and dairy. You add in a breakfast that is all protein. Still no starches and no sugars.

After the 3 weeks, you can slowly introduce starches and sugar back into your diet, and from there you are maintaining. If you want to do the protocol again (starting back up on the hCG to continue the resetting of your metabolism and increase your weight loss) you need to wait about 5 weeks so that your body does not become immune to it. (I am planning on starting back up in July). People have lots of questions about the hCG and the protocol and I have addressed a lot of them in past post, but I went ahead and posted some of the most common questions and answers at the bottom of the post.

Okay, so here is we are: the 1st day of the 3 week phase.

2 weeks ago, when I had my appointment with Dr.G, he said he really wanted me to up my exercise. And so I did. I hiked to the top of Sugarloaf Mountain. The following day I went on a 2 mile bike ride. The next day I did 200 crunches, 100 leg lifts per leg, 200 squats, 200 arm lifts and lots of stretching. I realized at that point that I actually wanted to exercise. I didn't want to miss getting in a workout. That weekend I went to Baltimore for 4 days. I did lots of walking, always used the stairs at the convention center and stuck to the protocol. I have continued to exercise and I am slowly learning the best things for me. Today I hiked to the top of Sugarloaf Mountain again.

I saw Dr.G yesterday and had my weigh in. My body fat is down my water intake is up, and I am down about 3 pant sizes (I am wearing clothes I have not been able to fit into for years). And the total pounds lost in a little bit more than a month is 28lbs. Not too shabby. And it was in the places that mattered. Stomach, waist, shoulders back...all the places I usually don't loose from.

Other exciting results:

* I can eat foods I have not been able to eat since childhood without having a severe allergic reaction.
* I can not think of the last time I have had this much energy and focus.
* My skin is clear and glowing.
* My psoriasis is better.
* I have had no ear infections or ear pain.
* I am sleeping better.
* I am still taking the Vitamin D and hope that next time it is tested I am more in the normal range.
* The craving for sugars and starches have faded.

Now, those are the health results. The mental and emotional ones have been the most amazing for me.
God has revealed so much to me during this time. Food was an idol to me. Not so much in the consuming it (although I did have issues with binging from time to time, and struggled with bulimia in the past) but more so it was the thinking about it and it was consuming my thoughts. I felt guilty and anxious about eating. I made plans around where and what we were eating. I saw eating as recreation instead of just maintenance and nutrition. This is not saying that you should not enjoy your food! There is nothing wrong with that! But when it starts to consume you, instead of you consuming it, then we have a problem.

I was way too focused on myself. When I went out, I immediately assumed that everyone around me was thinking about my weight. Talk about being a little vain! Sure, maybe one or two people noticed it and moved on, but I wasn't what they were focused on and for me to assume so was silly. I want to be more others focused. I don't want to be pulling or tugging on my clothes and worrying about how I look in the jeans I am wearing while someone is trying to have a conversation with me. I want to be involved and listening and interacting.

God has given me more strength, willpower and stamina through all of this than I could have ever imagined. I am more thankful for those in my life as I have been overwhelmed with their love, support and encouragement. So much was revealed to me during this time. There were so many times in the past that I would just tune out the world and my thoughts and just sit in front of the TV and eat. Without the food, TV isn't half as enjoyable. I am thinking, and analyzing and processing. I am spending more quality time with my son. I am not wasting away my days. I am reflecting on what I am experiencing and planning for what is in front of me. I feel more in control and self disciplined. I feel more aware. I am learning more, feeling more and experiencing more.

I had given up hope. I could not have done this without the Dr.G, his care and guidance and the protocol. I still have a long way to go but it is so different now, knowing I can do it and that it is possible. It wasn't just "eat less, exercise more". There is so much more to it. I am also so thankful for my stubborn (in the most loving way possible) friend who knows God is sovereign and didn't give up on me, or rather, didn't let me give up.

My hope, is that others who are in the same situation I was/am in, find hope and are inspired when they hear about my journey and experience thus far. I hope that triggers them to decide to finally do something and that they would take that step. It is more than weight loss. It is your health. It is your life. It your mindset. It is giving up your idols and gaining back focus and control. I want to be healthy. I want to be the best Mom I can be to my son. I want to be the best wife to my future spouse. I want to be the best daughter, friend, employee, example...you name it, that I can be. And it is so much more than those numbers on the scale. But believe me, those help too.

If you want to talk or have any questions, please contact me. I now have a burden on my heart to help others. If you want to meet with me and talk I would be more than happy. I urge you just to setup a consultation with Dr.G. It is free, what could it hurt? And if you would decide to do the protocol, I would be happy to go grocery shopping with you the first couple of times so you can get an idea of what you are shopping for and what to look for on those tricky labels. I have recipes to share. I would be here for support and letting you know what to expect each step of the way and reminding you that you can do it.

I was SO skeptical. I was jaded and bitter. I had been jerked around by so many doctors. I tried every diet. And on every one I was always hungry, cranky, unhealthy, unfocused, having horrible cravings, and the weight loss would freeze at about 10lbs. I couldn't do it anymore. False hopes, wasted money and time, and no results. I went into this expecting the same. I could not have been more wrong.

I almost got gastric bypass surgery last year. I went to orientation and was ready to put down the down payment and make an appointment for surgery. I changed my mind for various reasons: money, complications, healing time, future complications, nutritional needs, etc. I know realize what a huge mistake it would have been. It is all about mindset and changing behaviour. I have met so many people who had the surgery and have reversed the results. You can stretch your stomach back out. And they have such poor nutrition, some to the point that it is fatal. They are supposed to have a deck of card size of food each meal. They cannot drink with their meal. So if you have someone who has not overcome their eating habits or conquered their cravings, you end up with someone who decides to choose four french fries for their meal rather than some vegetables or a slice of grilled chicken. So now their body is deprived of nutrients. Or maybe next time, the person ups it to five french fries, then to six, until they have slowly stretched out their stomach and are back to their old eating habits. Maybe it works for some people, but it never would have worked for me.

I have conquered my cravings for starches and sugars. I stop eating when I am full and many times did not finish one of the meals during the protocol. I am so aware of what I am putting into my body. Of course, if I see a piece of cake it looks good, and I know it would taste good. But I am not craving it as I did before, that I actually felt a physical need for it. My body has been retrained. Now I must maintain. Of course I could go back to poor eating habits and overeating. But with this protocol, you take ownership. I have worked so hard, I don't want to go backwards. I want to continue on this journey.

Thank you for following along. I will be updating again soon, as I go through this 3 week phase and then on to maintenance. I will also let you know how the exercise is going (Dr.G urged me to sign up for yoga which I am really excited about). I ordered the same scale they have at the clinic today and will be weighing myself daily. I will let you know how I am doing emotionally and mentally. And again, I am here for any questions you may have. Seriously, I would be more than happy to go to your consultation with you. Heck, there is a Starbucks right by and I will treat.

So, almost 30 down and I going for 60 - 90 more.

Thank you again for the support, encouragement, love and prayers.

Below is the answers to the most common questions I get about the protocol.

About the HCG Protocol

What is HCG?

HCG (Human Chorionic Gondaotropin) is a hormone naturally produced in a large quantity during pregnancy.

HCG is used in infertility treatment for both men and women.

Dr. ATW Simeons found that small regular doses of hCG caused the body to release abnormal fat when used in conjunction with a specific 500 calorie daily diet. This is detailed in Dr. Simeons’ manuscript Pounds and Inches: A New Approach to Obesity. This low calorie diet is only comfortable and advisable with hCG. Most participants are not hungry and have plenty of energy.

What are the positive effects of HCG?

Besides the accelerated weight loss and body re-shaping:

* better, more deep sleep
* lower cholesterol and blood pressure while on the HCG, and sometimes continuing afterwards
* higher energy levels without a nervous or edgy feeling
* a general feeling of well-being

How exactly does HCG allow you to lose weight?

The HCG allows your body to tap into your body’s abnormal fat deposits (shoulders, upper arms, stomach, hips, thighs, and buttocks). In obese clients, these deposits are not usually accessible to the body for fat consumption. The HCG present in the body allows these abnormal fat deposits to be tapped, releasing the abnormal fat into the blood stream and out of the body.

This release of fat is also why clients taking the HCG are not hungry. The HCG actually releases 1500-4000 calories per day into the bloodstream. This is the ONLY reason why it is okay to be on a 500 calorie diet. Without the HCG releasing the abnormal fat and, therefore, thousands of calories into the bloodstream, the client would be starving and be facing excess nutritional deficiency.

Why the 500 calorie diet (VLCD—very low calorie diet)?

You are on a VLCD (very low calorie diet) of 500 calories because while you are on the HCG, your body is releasing 1500-4000 calories from abnormal fat into your bloodstream each day. So, with the 500 calories you are consuming plus the 1500-4000 calories being released into your system, you are actually getting the benefit of (500 + 1500-4000) = 2000-4500 calories each day.

Of course being on a 500 calorie diet will help you to lose weight. How is the HCG protocol different from any other diet out there?

Dr. Simeons, the physician who developed the HCG Weight Loss Cure Protocol, said:

“When an obese patient tries to reduce by starving himself, he will first lose his normal fat reserves. When these are exhausted he begins to burn up structural fat, and only as a last resort will the body yield its abnormal reserves, though by that time the patient usually feels so weak and hungry that the diet is abandoned. It is just for this reason that obese patients complain that when they diet they lose the wrong fat. They feel famished and tired and their face becomes drawn and haggard, but their belly, hips, thighs and upper arms show little improvement. The fat they have come to detest stays on and the fat they need to cover their bones gets less and less. Their skin wrinkles and they look old and miserable. And that is one of the most frustrating and depressing experiences a human being can have.”

Most “diets” begin weight loss by depleting your structural fat (that fat which cushions your organs) and your normal fat reserves. However, they are slow to affect the abnormal fat which is stored in your abnormal fat deposits, which seem to have only one efficient key to unlock them: HCG.

Besides tapping into the abnormal fat deposits, HCG also proposes to affect your hypothalamus and your base metabolism. This protocol provides a detox and gives your entire system rest from the onslaught of food and drinks by allowing only a small amount of relatively healthy items to be processed in your body and your hypothalamus. Some experts feel this ‘detox’ allows your hypothalamus to clear itself of the chemical build-up that could be preventing weight loss and re-establishes the natural functioning and hormone release of the hypothalamus.

work it out....

2009-05-20T19:42:00.000-07:00

So here is my workout playlist. I will be updating in the next couple of days about my new workout regimen (I SO feel the burn), but till then checkout these tunes and please feel free to leave a comment with suggestions of songs that get you moving!

It's that time again...

2009-05-16T16:00:00.000-07:00

So here we go...

Last check-in with Dr.G I found out I had lost 13 pounds in 14 days.

2 weeks later and.....

10 more pounds lost.

That makes a total of 23 pounds lost since I started the protocol.

I am very happy with the results, both weight wise and the changes and improvements I have already seen in my health.

Today I slipped on a pair of pants I hadn't been able to fit into in the last two years, and I didn't even have to lay down on the bed to zip them up! I am becoming more creative with the foods I have to work with during this part of the protocol and I am genuinely enjoying my meals (blended orange, 2 cups of ice, 1/4 water, tablespoon of skim milk and a drop of the vanilla creme liquid stevia = instant Orange Julius!).

But I need to do some work.

Some major work.

Working out.

I am not a fan. I firmly stand behind my belief that running is only to be done when in danger.

I was pretty athletic up until the age 15, when puberty hit. I was uncomfortable with my new curves and felt self-conscious in team sports or working out with others. I have gone through times in my life where I would join a gym, or start walking in the evenings, start hiking on the weekend, but I have never stuck with anything.

But this time is different. I look at what I have accomplished already. I look at the amazing willpower God has given to me during this last month. I have more energy and I am more motivated than ever. While Dr.G was pleased with the weight loss, he wants to see my body fat come down a great deal more by my next office visit. Which means "get your butt in gear Katie!". The hCG protocol is doing its work, it's time for me to do mine. So a hiking we will go...

I went shopping after work to load up on some more organic veggies and fruit, some more Jason's Organic Shampoo, and Honest Tea's unsweetened "Just Green Tea". I ran into an old coworker who works in the Health and Beauty department there. She is an awesome girl who I have always felt comfortable talking to and I recall discussing my weight and health problems with her in the past. We were catching up and I told her about how I was doing the hCG protocol. She said that she had actually spoken with a few people lately who were doing the protocol. I found this very encouraging. I knew it was big on the West Coast and in Europe, but it was surprising to hear that people in this area has heard about and taking part in the protocol. To me, the protocol has been an amazing tool and source of hope that I will obtain health. So many were where I was just weeks ago. They have not been able to find the answers. They struggled for years. They have tried various programs. They have been told the same thing over and over by doctors, well intentioned friends, family, or even strangers that they just need to "eat less and exercise more" and it has left them at a dead end feeling hopeless and jaded. But my encouragement and hope quickly turned to concern though. I fear for anyone who is undertaking this protocol without being under the care of a doctor who specializes in it, like Dr.G. I fear for those who may read all the misinformation available online. I fear for those who order products online, not knowing where they are coming from or for that matter what they are and then are injecting it into their body.

I have had a lot of people share their struggles and stories with me (which I am so thankful for and admire so much) and they have expressed interest in finding out more about the protocol, hCG, and how to go about getting started and contacting Dr.G. So here is some basic info for you: Dr.G's office is in Silver Spring (towards Columbia - exit 30A off of 495) and his practice is called The Atlantis Medical Wellness Center http://www.atlantismedispa.com/ The initial consultation with Dr.G is free. Basically, he talks to you and finds out a little bit about your medical history and what you are trying to accomplish. He genuinely wants to get to know you, your struggles, and your goals. I have met with WAY too many doctors and I have to say that I have never met a doctor (or many people for that matter) who sincerely want to help others as much as he does. (It is not too often that I send my doctor a text that says "Did you know you rock?!" as I did after my appointment today). Okay, so then if you decide to work with him, you start off with a 90 minute appointment where he talks with you more in depth. With me, he went over my medical history. I was able to bring in lab results from various doctors I had seen before so he could look over them and see if there were any patterns. He will then come up with an individualized plan for your weight loss. He also does wellness care for people who don't necessarily need to loose weight but just don't feel right. He helps them figure out what is wrong and tries his best to help fix it (I call him a nicer Dr. House, he doesn't give up and he wants answers).

Other services listed on the website are:
Wellness Care
Hormone Replacement Therapy
Physician Directed Weight Loss
BodySculpting
SMARTLIPO
Liposuction
Mesotherapy/LipoDissolve
Cellulite Reduction
Laser Hair Removal
Botox^®
Facial Fillers
Juvederm, Artefill, Restylane, Elevess
Microdermabrasions and Facials
Chemical Peels
Skin Repair and Rejuvenation
Collagen Remodeling, Intense Pulsed Light
Therapeutic Massage
Individualized Acne Treatments
Clear Concept
Laser Vein Treatments
Spider and Facial Vein
Laser Tattoo Removal

If I get to my goal weight, I am planning on saving up if I want to get the smart lipo. Will was one big baby and that skin is not just going to suck it's self back in again! I may not care about some extra skin at that point, but we shall see. The smart lipo really interest me, it is non invasive and is done with a laser. But we have a ways to go till then.

So tomorrow my plan is to go hiking. I am anxious and weary. I don't want to fail. But I want this so badly. I want to be healthy. I want to run with Will. I take that back, I already stated my stance on running. Let's see, okay, I want to frolic with Will. I want to jump rope, ride bikes, and show him my skills on the basketball court. I don't want my family and friends to have to worry about what this weight is doing to my health and what complications I might have. I do not want food to be an idol. I do not want my weight or appearance to be an idol. It is a reverse vanity. I do not want to think that my weight is what everyone is thinking about everywhere I go, because right now, and for some time now, that is the way I have been thinking. I want to be focused on others. I want to live life. I want to not take advantage of the time God has given me on Earth. I have things to do.

23 pounds
2 pants sizes and random other inches
water intake up
healthier skin
more energy
less appetite
cravings dissipating
more focused
more motivated
more self aware
organic regimen
a son who is proud of his Mommy
hope

Not too shabby.

So how are you doing?
Have some tips?
Concerns?
Thoughts?
Inspiration?
Question?
Jokes? (laughing burns calories...)

Get in touch. Email me, leave a comment - whatever works for you.

So if you get a chance, check this link out http://www.kellybliss.com/inthenews
I would like to hear your thoughts. Now matter how much weight I loose, I will never be a tiny girl. I will not loose weight and then just be done with it. I will need to continue eating right and exercise, and even that does not guarantee I will be skinny. And likewise, being skinny, does not equal health. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Maybe I could try running Phoebe style...

The results are in...

2009-05-02T17:12:00.000-07:00

..............drum roll...................

I lost 13lbs in 2 weeks.

And I am very happy. I have a long way to go. This is good. But you know what else is good?

I am not feeling hungry and my food fills me up.
My complexion is doing a nice "glow" kind of thing.
I can eat oranges and apples and strawberries (oh my!) and have not had my lips swell or gotten hives.
I am sleeping better.
I am not feeling sleepy during the day.
I am not craving sweets (or obsessing about what the next meal will be).
I am more alert.
I have saved money on groceries (yes, even while buying organic, because I am filling up on the good stuff and not cramming myself full of junk and there has been no more of the impulse buying).
I have more energy.
My chronic ear infections and earaches have not been been around.
I am learning things about my body and making connections with my health issues that all seemed so random before.
I have been watching a lot less TV because let's admit it, TV is not as fun without food to be stuffing in your mouth while watching.
Okay, yeah, and cause I am comfortably wearing my "tight/suck it in" clothes, and stuff that I had given up on wearing over the last year.

So like I said, I still have a long road ahead of me. But this is the beginning of my journey and I have already seen so many positive results that I really, for once, have hope for good health. The results also motivate me to go forward and to even step it up. The 13lb weight loss was with very, very little exercise. So I really want to focus on that in the coming weeks. And I am also excited about the weight I lost because of where I lost it. Where do I usually lose weight? My legs, my hands, my nose (not really) and pretty much anywhere I am not targeting. The place I am noticing the weight loss this time is around my face and more importantly, my stomach. That mid-section weight is so, so dangerous and the cause of so many health problems and has always been the place I could not drop weight from.

So, I am happy, motivated, focused but still anxious. Why? The weight loss may slow down. I need to loose more body fat, not just "weight". I need to continue to pray and prepare myself for life after the protocol, when I must maintain and hopefully continue to lose. I am realistic and as I have said before, somewhat skeptical. So the "mission accomplished" banner is nowhere near going up. For now I will keep that locked away and maybe take a little peek every once and awhile to remind me of where I want to be. But on that note, with health, there never really is a "mission accomplished". I am learning that, well I mean, I knew that, but I am really realizing it and owning it for once in my life. For the rest of my days on Earth I will need to continue to be health conscious. You see these women in the public eye who lose tons of weight just to gain it all back, and then some. I have friends and family who have been there and done that. It is hard to maintain. It is hard to stay motivated, especially when you are someone who is predisposed to weight gain or other health issues. But do remember, skinny is not everything. For every doctor who has left me with those famous parting word "eat less, exercise more", there is a size 5 nurse stuffing her face with a pizza in the break room. But she is skinny so she is healthy right? I hope you know the answer to that.

So that is where I am now, 13lbs lighter with a lot on my mind. I am blessed with amazing people in my life who have continued to support and pray for me, hold me accountable and cheer me on. It really is amazing. Along with the people in my life, music and art have always been an inspiration for me, as well as an outlet. I still write a lot but I have found that posting on my Tumblr (http://ktns311.tumblr.com) has been a great outlet. I post things that I like and that inspire me and that I hope will inspire others or that they will just enjoy seeing. I would love to hear what inspires you and what you do for an outlet.

So that is my update. Oh and I did take "before" pictures but after sobbing (not joking) when I saw them, I decided that I will not post the "before" pictures until I have the "after". I will post pictures of myself, I actually like having my picture taken, but the obligatory "in your bathing suit, against a white wall, not smiling, one from front, back and side" photos, that show up on every weight loss blog, will not be posted just yet.

Step it up

2009-05-01T18:00:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I go see Dr.G.

It will be the first time that I will have my weight checked since I started the protocol.

I struggled this last week quite a lot.

I am scared and anxious about what happens after the protocol. Heck, I am scared and anxious about making it through the protocol.

Earlier this week I was getting unbelievably bored with the food. I had a dream that I had a peanut butter sandwich. I woke up and was weepy and mad at myself as I took my shower. After my shower, as I sat brushing my hair, I stopped, paused, and then started laughing when I realized it was a dream. It was good though to have that feeling, to know that whatever food it would be that I would want to go off course with, would not be worth the feeling I would have after eating it.

So, I was kind of down, and did lots of sighing and feeling bad for myself. I got some words of encouragement from friends, which I can not even start to tell you how meaningful and helpful it they are to hear. I also found an awesome website (information and link to follow) that gave me a whole new outlook on the foods and ingredients I have to work with.

I realized that other than those I live with and those I work with, no one really knows what I have been eating, and since I have had a few questions, I am going to give you a little example of a typical day on the hCG protocol (this is also for those who are considering this treatment):

A day in the life of Katie in the midst of the hCG protocol...

Wake up

Shower (use organic soap and shampoo)

Do my hair and my makeup (organic and natural mineral makeup)

Go down to the kitchen and take my prescription medications and then give myself a shot of the hCG in my stomach (you don't even feel it, not joking, a pinch is more painful)

Fill thermos with tea (sometimes that I brewed at home, but most of the time Honest Tea (the unsweetened black tea). I have little packs of Splenda or a drop of Stevia to sweeten the tea. I also get a bottle of water from the fridge and sometimes get a cup of coffee and put it over ice (I don't really like warm drinks, especially not in the Spring/Summer) and usually drink that on my way to work. I have usually prepped my food the night before so I grab that from the fridge and head to work.

I am not hungry. I am thirsty though and I sip my tea, coffee and/or water throughout the morning. I really have not been hungry so I have actually forgotten to take lunch and end up eating around 2pm (I sometimes go till about 4) but really I should be eating around 12 or so.

I go back to work and continue to drink my water or tea throughout the afternoon. I have not been tired and I have been more focused and getting more work down than usual.

I head home usually around 5:30 and get home about 6:15.

I am usually not hungry yet when I get home so I hold off on dinner for a bit.

I eat dinner around 7 usually, after making sure my son has gotten his dinner (we do have family meals still too, like last night we had shrimp).

Last nights dinner was:

steamed shrimp
asparagus
"apple crisp" (yes! I know! So, exciting! recipe below)

Exercise (hopefully)

I do my best to get some exercise in, sometimes with my "trainer" (my son), who thank goodness has not used his whistle again since day one of our workouts. Sometimes it is just stretches, sit-ups, and squats in my room while I watch CSI Miami (waiting for a Horatio one-liner gets me through).

I want to start getting out and walking and have even had walking buddy invitations, but my schedule and the weather has not allowed that yet.

There are also great work-out for free on OnDemand if you have that cable feature. I tried the Carmen Electra workout. I tried it for 5 and realized I wasn't sexy enough for that (where's Jane Fonda when you need her?).

I drink more tea or water in the evening and I don't find myself hungry.

I get whatever I need prepped for the next day, get my son to bed, and then relax a bit and go to bed myself (and by relax, I mean go on Facebook, update my blog, post on my Tumblr, and maybe tweet a few times on Twitter).

Here are the basics/standards of the protocol that I go by:

Breakfast: Tea or coffee in any quantity without sugar. Only one tablespoonful of milk allowed in 24 hours. Some sweeteners may be used such as Stevia or Splenda.

Meals: 100 grams of a protein, a fruit and a vegetable. There is a list of approved foods that you will receive from Dr.G. Your total caloric intake is to be 500 calories for the day. There are specific foods allowed while on the protocol and it is all based on how out bodies process these foods. For example: did you know that the body processes a banana as a starch?

Tea, coffee, plain water, or mineral water are the only drinks allowed, but they may be taken in any quantity and at all times.

The weekends have proven to be tough because of the extra time on my hands and the food centric activities people like to indulge in on the days off. I just keep myself busy and remind myself of guilty, horrible feeling I had when I ate that peanut butter sandwich in my dream.

Tonight the rest of the family had pizza for dinner and I was fine with my chicken, asparagus and baked apple. Yes, the idea of pizza sounds tempting., but the actually craving is not there.

I am super excited to meet with Dr.G tomorrow. I have been researching and reading and going back to the connections he has made and am just really hopeful about solving, what many doctors have found" to be my mysterious health problems" that they really couldn't help me with. Finding out that I am Vitamin D deficient and then reading about how it is linked to Insulin Resistance and then how that is connected to depression and then...I could go on and on. Dr.G in my Dr.House (in the wanting to solve the puzzle kind of way, not so much the drug addict, jerk kind of way, although he does have a good sense of humor and is very straightforward).

I have been fax and calling and re-faxing request to doctors (primary, endocrinologist, and two separate hospitals) in order to get my medical records. I look forward to getting them, as the more Dr.G has to go by, as in, test results and patterns, the more he will have to work with. I was hoping I would have them all for my visit tomorrow but it is probably not going to be till next week.

Below is the recipe for the "apple crisp". I found it while doing some research the other day. It is a list of recipes to use while on the hCG protocol. The writer has both recipes for "phase 2" (VLCD) and what people call "phase 3" which is the weeks following and I will explain more of that later. Right now I am just focusing on where I am at now.

Apple Crisp recipe from http://hcgrecipes.blogspot.com/

Filling:

1 apple

half small lemon

1 T water

2 t zsweet/granulated sugar sub. (adjust amount if not using zsweet)

cinnamon

Preheat oven to 400.
Peel, core, and slice/chop apple.
Place apples in small baking dish.
Cover with juice of 1/2 small lemon, zsweet/sugar sub., water, and few dashes of cinnamon. Toss.

Topping:

1 grissini

1 t milk

1/2 t cinnamon

1/4 t nutmeg

1/4 t pumpkin pie spice

Grind grissini into a powder using food processor or coffee grinder.
Add milk in 1/4 t increments. Slowly stir until mixture forms a slightly moist crumbly topping.
Sprinkle on top of apple filling.

Bake:

Cover dish and bake 20 mins.
Remove cover and broil 1-2 mins to crisp topping.
Serve immediately.

This includes 1 t of your allowed 1 T milk for the day. Also includes your grissini and fruit portion for one meal.

You can also totally omit the topping if you don't want to use a grissini portion.

It really tasted great and I am so excited to try some more of the recipes she list on her site. I love how specific she is and how she even list what daily allowed amount you have used in each recipe.

I will let you know how it goes tomorrow.

In the meantime, why don't you drop me a line and let me know how you're doing?

Note: Dr.G follows the protocol developed by Dr. ATW Simeons, a British endocrinologist and author of "Pounds and Inches" . There are other "doctors" and authors who have tried to put their spin on it, but the true and original protocol is that developed by Dr. Simeons.

Just a a little warning as you may start doing your own research. You will see people trying to sell you books, drugs and all sorts of other things. You will also see where you can order hCG online. Personally, I would feel very uneasy getting some random liquid, from some random online pharmacy and shooting it into my body.

I would have never gone about this without being under the care and supervision of a doctor who specializes in this using this protocol, such as Dr.G. The support, information, direction, care, guidelines and help with health issues beyond my weight, that I receive from Dr.G and his staff at the Atlantis Medical Wellness Center is indescribable and not comparable to any other option I can think of for this type of treatment.

Scattered but still focused

2009-04-27T18:50:00.001-07:00

So here we are, already into week two. I have stuck to the protocol 100%. But it has not been easy.

First big shocker... the world does not stop turning while you are facing a big battle or struggle in your life.

You may encounter...I take that back...you WILL encounter issues, events and situations that may turn your world upside down while on your journey to health. But that does not mean you are to throw your hands up in the air. It is still your health. It affects you and others. Those things that motivate you are still there and still should be motivating you.

I found myself last Monday night receiving tragic news from my dearest friend that she had lost a loved one. I was in shock, in pain, and my heart ached for her and her family. Their world was instantly turned upside down. I couldn't imagine what they were going through. I suddenly felt like my "struggle" was so trivial in the big picture of things.

The week was sad, emotional and left me really searching. My number one priority was to be there for my friend. Amazingly, in the midst of all this, she was there for me, and reminded me that my struggle was not insignificant, and it was important that I stay focused. She also showed me amazing strength in how she dealt with this tragedy and has greatly inspired me.

I found myself in a place of guilt. Actually, where I physically found myself was in my car, crying into a Tupperware container of 100 grams of cottage cheese and a few strawberries.

I texted her "I don't know if I can do this".

I watched as the people walked up the drive carrying containers of cakes and cookies.

I needed and wanted to be there for her, yet I sat there with tears streaming down my face, not knowing what to do.

My phone rang.

"Where are you?" she said.

"I am at the very end of the line of cars parked by the fence" I said replied between sniffles.

"I will be right there. "

She came to my car and I opened my door.

She knelt down and looked me in the eyes and said "You don't have to go in if you don't think you can handle it".

I explained to her how stupid I felt.

Here we were at the gathering following her loved ones funeral and I am the one crying?!

And about food?!

I was crying because I felt like I had lost.

I knew where I wanted to be. I wanted to be beside my friend. But I was embarrassed. Embarrassed to bring my food in, embarrassed at the thought of people asking me why I wasn't eating, and embarrassed at the deprived feeling I had inside.

I hated me and I hated "it". "It" being food and the power it had over me. I was not hungry. That was not my issue. It was purely mental and emotional.

She prayed with me. Her prayer was powerful and to the point. She prayed I would have strength. She prayed I would be others focused. She prayed that I would realize what an idol food had become in my life. And she prayed for my health.

I finished my meal in my car and then headed up to join everyone. I kept a full cup of water with me at all times. I enjoyed the fellowship with friends and her family so much. I am so thankful that I stayed.

So...scattered I have been. Emotionally up and down. But, focused I have stayed.

I went headed back to Whole Foods yesterday to load up on my weeks worth of organics. Shopping was very robotic but in a good way. There were no inner battles of whether I should splurge or indulge. The protocol is clear and I stuck with it.

Hunger has not been an issue. I have been in touch with Dr.G and we went over my blood test and any concerns I had. I am continually impressed with his care and concern. I really have never encountered another doctor like him. This week we had an over the phone appointment and next Saturday I go into the office. I decided that I only want to weigh in there so I can get a consistent reading. I will make sure to post the results after my appointment.

Wow, so this post is as scattered as my brain. Sorry about that. But, I am just doing a lot of thinking and feeling and searching right now. The protocol actually allows me to do that. I can't numb or distract myself with food. I am reflecting on the words of my friend as well as her inner strength. After this week, I have realized and have no doubt that following this protocol is more mental than physical. My support and accountability from friends and family is so crucial, and even more crucial is my faith. There have been hopeless moments. I am still a skeptic. I am aware it has worked for other people but I still can't get past "but not me". I find myself not having any expectations. It is my way of protecting myself as I have been let down so many times in the past. But aside from the weight loss I have already seen results. My energy is up. My hunger and cravings are down. My allergies are better. I have also already seen results from Dr.G that I have not seen from other doctors in my past. He has studied my blood results. He is making connections. Has anyone ever let me know I was vitamin D deficient? Nope. Well guess what, I am! And in a big way. My levels should be between 50 and 90 and I am at 11. There are various other health issues we are and will be addressing, so that alone is different from what I have seen or known from my past experiences.

Thank you again for all the supportive words, for checking in, for holding me accountable and for your prayers. I have also been very moved and inspired by the stories some have shared with me of their struggles.

Some questions answered by Dr.G

2009-04-22T07:14:00.000-07:00

In my last post, a reader commented and had some questions:

"Congratulations! I sincerely hope it works for you!!!
Not being debbie downer, but asking to understand, and because with any "diet" this is always my main concern and biggest questions: how do you maintain? Will you always live on a restricted diet? Will you always have to take the shot? I'd be interested to know!!!!
And can you get vitamin b in pill form, not just injections? I could sure use an energy boost!". - Lizzie

I checked with Dr.G and his response is below:

Ok. As with most medical questions it is not a simple answer. However, I will try to make sense of these complicated questions:

First, the hCG protocol is not a diet. It is a protocol for metabolic management. Though it seems like you are only getting 500 calories to live on because that is what you are eating, is not true. You are actually getting (by my rough estimates) anywhere from 1100 to 1400 calories a day. How? Your fat is an energy storage system not only storing energy but vitamins, minerals and hormones and….(drum roll)… calories. Your fat is in fact, a part of your endocrine system. Many physicians do not know this. The more fat you have, the more havoc it can wreck on your body’s metabolism.

So how are you getting approx 1100 cal a day on this protocol? The theory is that the hCG and the timing of how you eat during the protocol allows for the release of the energy and stored vitamins/minerals to give you sustenance during the day. There is a big jump in thought here and I would need to write a book concerning my theory on this. For now, what I know and see is that the theory seems to work practically. I have had multiple active duty military soldiers on this protocol who worked out and even did their physical fitness test on this protocol (against my advice) and did very well. I do not fully understand why but I see it work. Yes, anyone can lose weight on 500 calories a day. But can anyone live on 500 calories a day AND after losing the weight keep it off? Well, that is what I have been seeing happen on this protocol.

I am the physician that said “no way” “stupid” “just another fad diet” when I first heard about it. The only reason why I got involved was because of family members and my military friends who did it and I saw it work despite my initial near anger response to it. As for after the protocol is over? Well, that is very individual dependant. No, you are not on the medication after. It is only for the short time you are on the protocol. You eat what you normally eat. But that is another story and is individualized. Second, B12 (much easier subject). Anything you ingest is filtered through the liver. The liver LOVES B12 for many reasons and ‘soaks’ it all up. The shot bypasses the liver and allows the B12 to be available to the rest of the body in higher doses. I want to make it clear, true vitamin B12 deficiency is rare. However, it is more prevalent than commonly thought. B12 does not ”give energy,” or “make you lose weight” or “increase life span directly” like many marketing schemes and weight loss centers proclaim. It can be a temporary help in those things. I use the shot for diagnostic purposes. Helps guide me in trying to find underlying metabolic issues with a patient. The shot is better than the pills. Sublingual liquids is a good alternative.

DrG Benjamin S. Gonzalez, MD
Medical Director
Atlantis Medical Wellness Center

Day 3...my past? what motivates me? how it's going

2009-04-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

Well...

Before my update, I just want to say thank you for the outpouring of support and encouragement I have already received from friends, family, coworkers, and even strangers. I can't tell you how much that means. And I figure, the more people aware and watching the less likely I am to go off track.

So what motivates me:

My faith:

I haven't taken care of my body. Life is a gift. I want to be a reflection of of Him and that means that I will take care of the health He has given me.

My health:
I still haven't dived deep into my history but some of my symptoms and ailments through the years include:

insulin resistance
chronic ear infections
candidiasis
depression/anxiety/bipolar
irritable bowel syndrome
acid reflux
anemia
psoriasis
extreme food and environmental allergies
unexplained weight gain and extreme difficulty to loose or maintain weight
fatigue
migraines

I have seen so many doctors and specialists. I have been tested for numerous conditions, including: thyroid problems, Cushing's Disease, Lime Disease, and many more. I have been hospitalized for chronic pain in my abdomen which the cause is yet to be determined. I have been labeled as having "Metabolic Syndrome X", which is pretty much a "good luck, can't help ya" diagnosis.

In my past I have tried the candidia diet, fasting, colon cleanse, the lemonade diet, all organic diet, Atkin's, South Beach and more. The lemonade diet had temporary results but I ended up with my allergies acting up and the weight coming right back on. The candidia diet did have positive results but I got pregnant during the process and had to discontinue (many of the practices of that diet are being integrated in to Dr.G's specialized protocol and long term plan for me). Atkin's was just unhealthy. South Beach worked for weight but did not do anything for my other ailments. And an organic diet is something I still believe in and it is part of the protocol.

My development and self-awareness:

Being overweight can be a great scapegoat. "This relationship didn't work out because of my weight", "he is not interested in my because of my weight", "I didn't get that job because of my weight"...while they can be true, did I stop to think: Maybe he isn't that into me because I have work to do on my personality? Maybe we just have different interest? Maybe I was an ass? Maybe I just wasn't qualified for that job? Usually not, because the weight consumes me. I do think my dating life and finding my potential mate will greatly increase if I am fit and healthy. It is common sense. The human animal - consciously on unconsciously - chooses mates which they find would be good to procreate with. We look at bone structure, symmetry, hygiene, complexion, teeth, and weight. I can't blame the guy who is not into me because of my weight - I get it. Do I deserve to be treated bad? No. But I understand if he doesn't find me physically attractive.

And last but not least of what motivates me...

My Will:

And I don't mean my "will power". I am referring to my 7 year old son, Will.

I want to live a healthy, active life. I want to take him on hikes. I want to go on walks and roll down hills. I don't want him to worry about my health. He is very, very aware of my weight and health issues. He has an amazing heart. It started when he was about 4 years of age when he whispered "Mommie, I know your f-a-t, but I won't tell anyone." Too bad the secret was out;) He tells me how much he loves my "shapes" and how beautiful he thinks I am but he wants me to be healthy. He asks me kindly to workout with him. He encourages me. We recently did "biggest loser" at work. He was so excited and said he "didn't care if I won but he wanted me to do my best". He decided he would be my "personal trainer". He reminded me that I am beautiful regardless of my size. He memorizes commercials like a little recorder and watches the Discovery and Science Channel regularly. He told me how worried he was about my midsection weight and the strain it was putting on my heart and also the strain it is putting on my back. Each night as we say our prayers, he asks God to give me strength and to help me get healthy. He is, in fact, my "Will power".

So, so far today:

Woke up and went for a sip of Coke Zero that is usually on my nightstand. Old habits die hard.
I grabbed my bottle of water and took a big sip.
Went to the shower, grabbed my usual shampoo and started to squeeze..nope...grabbed my Jason's lavender shampoo (my hair actually looks healthier than usual).
Got dressed and put on some organic tinted moisturizer and Burt's Bee's lipgloss.

Went downstairs and pored a cup of iced green tea with just a tad of Splenda.

Gave myself my hCG shot.

Packed my lunch. (Had precooked a few days worth of chicken and weighed it out and bagged it). Packed up my chicken, strawberries, leafy greens, and melba toast and filled up a thermos of iced tea.
I took my prescription meds (you stay on these during the protocol). And headed off to work.

So far I have been sipping my tea and just realized I haven't eaten lunch yet! I haven't felt hungry and just have felt very focused. I have actually gotten ahead on my work (why I am taking a moment to update) and I haven't felt sleepy at all (I usually would have had my soy latte and 3 coke zeros by now and would have still been yawning *note - coffee is allowed). I got another B-12 shot on Saturday so that definitely helps too. I noticed that last week.

Okay so I should go eat lunch.

Thanks again for the encouragement, prayers and support. I would love to hear your thoughts or questions so feel free to leave a comments or drop me a line.

Here are some pictures ("before" pictures - like the real embarrassing ones, coming soon and will updated regularly, hoping to have a great "after!) through the years:

Before menstruation began - approx. age 14 (had health problems but weight was not yet an issue)

Teens (after menstruation), ages 15-19, pre-pregnancy

(before breast reduction)

(after breast reduction)

Post pregnancy, ages 20 - current (27)

2002 2003

August 2006 July 2008

August 2008 December 2008

More info...

2009-04-19T16:25:00.000-07:00

So I searched around the web a bit and compiled some info on the protocol:

1. What is hCG?

hCG (Human Chorionic Gondaotropin) is a hormone naturally produced in large quantity during pregnancy.

It was found that hCG in small regular doses of hCG caused the body to release abnormal fat when used in conjunction with a specific 500 calorie daily diet.

Positive effects of hCG?
*weight loss
* better, more deep sleep
* lower cholesterol and blood pressure while on the hCG, and sometimes continuing afterwords
* less insulin or other medications required while on the protocol
* higher energy levels without a nervous or edgy feeling
* a general feeling of well-being

How exactly does hCG allow you to lose weight?

The hCG allows your body to tap into your body’s abnormal fat deposits. The hCG present in the body allows these abnormal fat deposits to be tapped, releasing the abnormal fat into the blood stream and out of the body. The hCG actually releases 1500-4000 calories per day into the bloodstream. This is the ONLY reason why it is okay to be on a 500 calorie diet. Without the hCG releasing the abnormal fat and, therefore, thousands of calories into the bloodstream, you would be starving and be facing excess nutritional deficiency.

Why the 500 calorie diet (VLCD—very low calorie diet)?

A VLCD (very low calorie diet) of 500 calories is the protocol because while you are on the hCG, your body is releasing 1500-4000 calories from abnormal fat into your bloodstream each day. So, with the 500 calories you are consuming plus the 1500-4000 calories being released into your system, you are actually getting the benefit of (500 + 1500-4000) = 2000-4500 calories each day.

So obviously, you will lose weight from being on a 500 calorie diet - how is the HCG protocol different from just starving yourself?

“When an obese patient tries to reduce by starving himself, he will first lose his normal fat reserves. When these are exhausted he begins to burn up structural fat, and only as a last resort will the body yield its abnormal reserves, though by that time the patient usually feels so weak and hungry that the diet is abandoned. It is just for this reason that obese patients complain that when they diet they lose the wrong fat. They feel famished and tired and their face becomes drawn and haggard, but their belly, hips, thighs and upper arms show little improvement. The fat they have come to detest stays on and the fat they need to cover their bones gets less and less. Their skin wrinkles and they look old and miserable. And that is one of the most frustrating and depressing experiences a human being can have.” - Dr. Simeons (Doctor who first studied hCG for weight loss and developed the protocol).

The release of fat/calories into the blood stream is why those taking the hCG are generally not hungry and generally have plenty of energy. Most “diets” begin weight loss by depleting your structural fat (that fat which cushions your organs) and your normal fat reserves. However, they are slow to affect the abnormal fat which is stored in your abnormal fat deposits (shoulders, upper arms, hips, thighs, and buttocks), which seem to have only one efficient key to unlock them: hCG.

Besides tapping into the abnormal fat deposits, hCG also proposes to affect your hypothalamus and your base metabolism. This protocol provides a detox and gives your entire system rest from the onslaught of food and drinks by allowing only a small amount of relatively healthy items to be processed in your body and your hypothalamus. (reason behind the organic foods and products). Some experts feel this ‘detox’ allows your hypothalamus to clear itself of the chemical build-up that could be preventing weight loss and re-establishes the natural functioning and hormone release of the hypothalamus.

*I want to talk to Dr.G and see how accurate this information I gathered is - even though everything on the internet is true right?

I have lots more research I want to do and I will continue to do so as I go on. I will keep you updated.

The Last Supper

2009-04-19T13:36:00.000-07:00

So here we are...day 2 of the protocol.

The protocol? Yep.

So here is the story. This is where my journey begins.

What is this protocol? It is call the hCG Protocol.

I am under the care of Dr.Benjamin Gonzalez, MD. This protocol (I don't call it a diet) is highly controversial. Google it, youtube it....you will hear so much about it, negative and positive. So how am I feeling - skeptical.

I have tried so many ways to get healthy. Yes, I want to lose weight (desperately), but more so I want to be healthy. I will go into my past and present health problems at another time, but weight is just one of the many health issues I am dealing with. I ended up at Dr. G's as a last resort.

Dr.G went through my medical records and talked about my medical history with me in great detail. I instantly could tell he cared. He is not like any other doctor I have seen - and I have seen a LOT of doctors. He wants to help me. He does not claim to know all the answers but he is determined to find a solution and to work with you till you are in good health.

So yesterday I got one more B-12 shot (which gave me an awesome energy boost last week) and I got my first hCG injection. It was quick and painless and I will be giving them to myself from now on each day.

Yesterday and today are called "load days". You can eat unrestricted and until you are full. I made sure to get in the favorite foods before I started the next stage. I delicious crepes for lunch and sesame chicken from my favorite Chinese restaurant last night. Tonight, which I am calling "The Last Supper", I am going to have some pineapple upside down after dinner. And what is for dinner you may ask? Pancakes!

Tomorrow I start the 500 calorie, restricted diet portion of the protocol.

Wait.
What?
Did I just...
Did I just type....5....
500....
calories...
a day?
(deep breath)
I can do this.
Can I?
Yes. Why? Because I want to do this and I need to do this.

The protocol is very specific about which foods and how much.
I have already said my goodbyes.
Goodbye soda.
Goodbye alcohol.
Goodbye cakes, chips, and all other starches and sugars.
Goodbye 3pm and 3am binges.

The protocol is very specific about what foods to eat, how much and that they should be organic. I worked a few years in for an organic grocer and I am very aware of the benefits of an organic diet. I went to Whole Foods this afternoon and loaded my cart with the foods that I can have for the next 37 days. Here are some of the foods and products I got (all organic):

Honest Tea (unsweetened)
Cabbage
Asparagus
Melba Toast
Shrimp
Strawberries
Tomatoes
Cucumbers
Oranges
Baby Spinach
Ground Beef
Chicken
Lemon Juice

And beauty/hygiene products:

Jason's Lavender Shampoo
Chandrika Soap
Jason's Aloe Vera Gel
Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer
Jason's Spearmint Toothpaste

So tomorrow the journey begins. The 2 days of loading up was not an issue for me;) Tomorrow and the days to come are the real test.

My Mom is going back to her diabetes diet (which can best be described as those things that the her doctor and The National Diabetes Association recommend which include: portion control, watching sugar intake, and just general "smart eating"). We also need to both be more active and she is always looking for a companion for walking. So between her attention to a healthy diet, helping my get in exercise, her love, support and prayers - it goes without saying that she is a
HUGE blessing in this journey and in my life in general. Please keep her in your prayers as well. She has been a huge inspiration and advocate for me in the fight for good health and has always tried to provide healthy food options to our family. She has never given up when the doctors just shrugged their shoulders. I have family and friends that support me and a doctor who has a list of success stories with his patients and a belief that I will find good health through this protocol that has given me a new hope (well...almost. We shall see.)

I would love if you'd follow along. Cheer me on - ask me questions - tell me your stories, it would be appreciated.

So as I start my day tomorrow with my unsweetened cup of tea, I think I will be using this cup to help me along:

I'm ready.

About Dr.G:

Benjamin Gonzalez, MD is a graduate of the University of Arizona College of Medicine and is board certified in Emergency Medicine. Dr. Ben Gonzalez has multiple certifications in advanced laser surgery, laser assisted and ultrasound assisted liposuction. He teaches other physicians in the techniques of skin rejuvenation and body sculpting. A gifted speaker and down to earth communicator, Dr. Gonzalez has been featured on television and radio. He has seen and managed many patients with a variety of skin conditions and concerns. Dr. Gonzalez is certified in advanced medical laser therapy. He is trained in the advanced techniques of Hormone Replacement Therapy and combines his expertise in Age Management Medicine in his approach to all his patients.

Dr. Ben Gonzalez spent 10 years as an Emergency Medicine staff physician and associate professor of EM teaching his craft to other physicians. He served his country for 20 years in the military service, including a year long tour in Iraq as Chief of the busiest trauma center during the beginning of Operation Iraqi Freedom. He has earned multiple awards including The Bronze Star and Teacher of the Year at Penn State Hershey Medical Center. His caring and gentle treatment of patients has earned him a reputation as a physician who truly cares about patient’s overall health.

Dr. Gonzalez teaches other providers the techniques of skin rejuvenation, cosmetic and overall health enhancement. Dr. Gonzalez believes in the overall holistic approach to maintaining your health that includes proper nutrition, exercise, and well being. (this profile was obtained from http://www.atlantismedispa.com)

The journey begins...

2009-04-15T19:49:00.001-07:00

I had my first B-12 shot at Dr.G's on Saturday. I have been feeling good this week and trying to see if I have noticed any differences. As I was sipping some water at my desk, it hit me, I was sipping water! Not coffee! How in the world was I so awake at 2:00pm when not a drip of coffee had touched my lips the entire day? I look forward to meeting with meeting with Dr.G again on Saturday.

now for a nice hot soak...

2009-01-10T17:21:00.001-08:00

music to keep me going

2009-01-10T16:33:00.000-08:00

Need a change

2009-01-10T14:30:00.000-08:00

How about you?